(Source: eximious)

I know that people can’t make me happy, or give me happiness. Only I can give myself happiness. I am trying hard, can’t you see?

(Source: eximious)

(Source: eximious)

(Source: eximious)

(Source: eximious)

(Source: eximious)

(Source: eximious)

I didn’t attend school today, which is pretty much a waste of my time. They’re celebrating National Day (Singapore’s Birthday) which is supposed to be tomorrow, but since it’s a public holiday they celebrated today. Mum woke me up at about 7am in the morning, but I really don’t feel like attending. So in the end, I didn’t. These past few days, I’ve been thinking a lot. I can’t seem to stop myself from doing that. I’m trying to hang out with my friends, go study at the library or walk around the city or catch a movie, or do something to just prevent me from thinking about useless things. I stayed indoors the whole day. Woke up at about noon, and I’ve been using my laptop in my bedroom since then. I can pretty much say that I don’t really have a life, an interesting one that is. Just a dull, boring life that don’t seem interesting to people. That’s where my boring personality come from. That”s enough for now. Even though I may not have friends, I’m still living my life no matter what people say about me. After all I’ve gone through, it made me a stronger person. So, I thank those people who left me for just being different, because I’m grateful to have you part of my life. You thought me what not to be, as a human being.

(Source: eximious)

All these while, I was waiting. Something from you at least. But it seems like what I pictured, didn’t really happened. I got my hopes up for nothing. Thinking back about it now, makes me look like fool. A stupid fool. I know I’m different, so I don’t think we’ll ever be together. I am dreaming too much, thinking too much. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Is it that bad to think this much? I don’t know. I get the fact, and I won’t give you a hard time. So, I’ll leave. That’s all I can do for a friend, and a brother. I guess it’s for our own good.

After thinking about all these stuff, I guess I’m pretty emotional.

(Source: eximious)

We hung out, you know just getting along as friends. Nothing weird about that. But when he asked me, “Do you have a girlfriend?” I just kept silent. He then asked, “Why?” And I just shrugged. At that moment, I don’t know how to react really. He then asked yet again, “Or is it because you’re gay?” My went totally went blank. “Why?” I replied. He then said, “It’s kinda obvious bro.” Well from that day onwards, he looked at me, and I looked back at him. I think he knew, well it’s good thing really. I think that’s all you can ever ask from a friend. At least I can trust someone.

(Source: eximious.tublr.com)

It’s becoming so freakin shallow nowadays. People look through blogs, and only follow people just because of their looks along with their ‘good’ personality. Well personally, those ‘Tumblr Famous’ people are getting cocky day by day. Therefore, they’ll treat people like crap just because they were known for having a ‘quality blog’ that attracts people. I mean, what’s up with that? I had my Tumblr for over 2 years now and yes it changed a lot. Truthfully speaking, I know this is not going to change as Tumblr is quite well known nowadays. I know this is going to go on for quite sometime, so please don’t be surprised if you found out that I deleted my Tumblelog. It’s just not a place as it used to be, the way I like it. 

(Source: eximious)

Both of my hands, supported by my elbow on the table are on my forehead. Head faced downward with eyes closed, trembling tears and a numb face. My mind jammed, with thoughts just lingering around making me wish that I did not exist in this cruel world. 

(Source: eximious)

This week’s the last week of school for me, hooray to that! After this I’m having a break for 3 weeks, well it’s better than nothing. So I’ve bought a new laptop last week and it’s awesome. It’s not a Mac though; I don’t have enough to buy that. I received a bursary award from my school this year, so I spent it on my laptop. I’m using it for school anyway. So a friend of mine asked me a question lately. “Why are you always alone?” Well I asked myself the same question every day, but I can’t seem to figure out why either. I guess I am a boring person that people don’t like to be around me? Or am I just being annoying most of the time? Or should I say, I don’t have a good personality to attract people? When I go out, I tend to ask my friends if they could accompany me or you know, just follow me but most of them wouldn’t reply to my texts or my calls. I guess they were avoiding me. And that’s till now. Well of course I’ll feel unhappy about it. I hadn’t done anything wrong.

On second thought, I blame it on my sexuality. I came out last year, and it spread out quite fast. Almost the whole school knew about it, and yeah it happened after I graduated Secondary School. I don’t know. I guess Singaporeans are just being Singaporeans, always homophobic. But the thing is they’re my friends. They should be fine with it right? Or they’re not really friends? Anyway, I ended up going out alone most of the time. I really don’t seem to have a choice there, since nobody wants to accompany me. Now, it comes to a point where I’m facing clinical depression again. I’m trying my best not to, but I just can’t seem to be well.

So I had school today. The weather sucked though. It rained hard in the morning, and it lightened a little at about 9am. School starts at 1pm in the afternoon, so I told myself to have breakfast, before going to school. Why not right? So I got ready and went out at about 11.45am. I went to a nearby McDonalds to have my brunch. Well there isn’t anything else to eat other than fast-food in my area – it’s bad I know. I went to eat alone, of course people were glaring. I mean, is it wrong to be eating by yourself? Or have you not seen a teenage guy eating McDonalds by himself? Anyway, so after awhile guess what. I can’t finish my food. I ate like, only half of a burger and also the fries. I nearly finished my drink; I guess that’s a good thing, right? I went off to school after that.

School was a bore for me. I nearly died in lecture – it’s about recycling and stuff, I mean who doesn’t get bored. After that, we went back to continue on practical. I guess I did learn something in school today. My friends and I have something in common, and that it to munch in class – we were hungry anyway. I bought some seaweed while my friends bought some chips and yeah, we had a picnic in the lab. I guess the day was not so bad after all.

(Source: eximious)